My husband

I want to take everything I've ever written about my husband and combine it all. I have so many "unpublished" drafts in this blog but because I have so much to say and praise about him, they are all unfinished in my eyes. 

See, I'm an observer. Along with a dreamer, non-realist, watermelon soul-ist, passion seeker, picnic taker, so on and so forth. Meanwhile, my husband is majority of the time focused, strong, determined, and very well in balance. Except, I've noticed that he has this huge amount of passion, soul and an indescribable desire that is bursting full of dreams. He's an artist. He is intensely creative and has this completely out of this world sense of visualization. 

Here's a little piece of love letter from one of those blog drafts:

My dear, sweet Adam,

Looking at Harper and seeing so much of you already and watching you interact with her has expanded my heart to a new level of mush. I am so head over heels for you. I can hardly believe that just over the last year, we have gotten married and had a beautiful baby. These aren't even the best parts....the best part is that I continuously fall for you more and more as each day comes and goes. As a boyfriend turned fiancé turned husband, you have truly put up with a lot from me. I mean if you think about it, you have completely tamed a wild beast and made a real woman out of me. I was a "do what I want," champagne and table dancing kind of girl. You let me live my life to the fullest. You never told me what to do or who to be and I love you for that. Don't get me wrong, you have great influence over who I am today but it was never by expression of words. Instead, it was through your own actions as a man and as a mature, responsible, whole hearted human being. You showed me goodness and made me want to better myself. You told me stories and let me enjoy those early 20's. Now, I'm a momma and a wife and I take those roles very seriously....even in the "hot mom's club." haha.

We celebrated our first anniversary 23 days ago, just 5 days after bringing our precious daughter home. I honestly wouldn't trade the night and the way it went for anything in the entire world. Our romantic little candle lit dinner in our dining room while our brand new baby slept 5 feet away from us was the most perfect first anniversary I think anyone could have. The tears of joy you brought to my face were the icing on the cake. My heart wanted to and still wants to explode from that. You're incredible.




....I'll add the rest later <3

Beautiful Chaos

Everybody's got something to say. Whether it's about you, your baby, your lifestyle, where you live, your husband, or whatever, somebody else feels the need to weigh in on it.

And that's okay.

Before I was married and way before I even thought about having a baby, that would have really affected me and the way I did things. I would have felt the need to walk on eggshells to please everybody else, meanwhile shoving my own needs and desires aside. 

But now, I've discovered my own "bubble." My life is my own and it involves myself, my husband, and our daughter. 

Obviously, I dedicate my whole heart to my little family, but my heart also holds our family and friends very high as well. I just know now who to take care of first. 

We don't need to adjust our lifestyles based on other people's opinions because not everybody knows everything that goes on everyday of our lives or how we actually raise our babies or how we take care of our families, etc. they don't live with us, they just make assumptions. It happens. Some of the rumors I hear about myself and others within our community of friends and loved ones are something I've learned to take lightly. People just want to talk.

The key is that you can't let it affect you and the way you do things...unless you agree with the things you hear and you aren't living your life to its full potential. Only then do you listen to the inner voice and make adjustments for your own well being. Nobody is perfect. 

So. If I post a glass of wine in hand on social media at 8pm, mind ya business. I'm not getting drunk while taking care of my daughter...And if my 6 month old daughter is naked in her bathtub, I'm not posting it for everyone to focus on the fact that she is naked....in a bathtub...I mean she's a baby. stop. (this was an annoying comment made to us that we shouldn't be posting naked baby photos).

My life is chaotic and it's by no means perfect or in order. I have certain things down, like the art of mommy friends and what to expect when my mini me hits each new milestone. But plenty of aspects are all over the place!

And I like it that way. 

Ways to Beat Fatigue

Us new mommas, or even those of you veteran mommas, are tired. Especially if your baby is like mine and is back to 100% battery life after only 20 minutes of napping. Which means no nap for you, ma. Plus, if your child is also like mine in the way that I had to cut out the main sources of energy while breastfeeding (coffee, chocolate, tea, & energy drinks) then there's a good chance you had to resort to other sources. So here are some ways I have stayed sane awake:

1.  Apples to apples...to apples. No, not the game...although, that might distract you from how tired your brain is. Or it could bring out your half asleep babble. I am literally talking about apples, apple juice, applesauce. Science has proven that an apple is capable of waking you up the way that coffee does but even more so because of the type of sugar it contains, plus it's made up of carbohydrates so your body burns it much slower than coffee.

I love Sprouts.

2. Get that booty outside. Fresh air + sunlight is good for you in so many ways. It's proven to fight off depression too. If you have the early week baby blues (totally normal btw) or you are just so tired that you're scared to hold your baby for fear of passing out face first onto the floor - going outside will brighten you up, even if you're out for only 10 minutes. I've taken Harper on strolls around our neighborhood in the middle of winter just to get some Vitamin D energy. In my defense, the sun was out even though there was snow on the ground so it wasn't too harsh. 

3. Yoga or my new favorite: yogalates. I always thought Yoga or working out in general would wear me out before waking me up but when you're upside down in crazy positions like downward dog, all your blood rushes to your head causing things to get moving, therefore waking you up. Stretching has the same effect too - it physically wakes up your body, at least I think it does because it works for me. Lately, I've been following the workout calendar from blogilates.com. She has so much energy and that definitely motivates me, plus she used dancing for cardio that is soo much fun. Here's one of my favorites:

4. Certain Teas. Like I said earlier, some mamas, like myself, had to/have to cut out caffeine but there are plenty of teas out there that don't contain caffeine while offering you a healthy pick-me-up. They have lots of great herbs in them that help wake me up, just research each herb if you are pregnant or breastfeeding to make sure it's safe! I have a serious tea addiction...my current favorite is the decaffeinated Blueberry Pomegranate Green Tea!

Here's a picture of the majority of my tea collection, missing my giant box of Green Tea and the blueberry pom one. :)

5.Take a shower. In the early days this might be off the table for a little while, especially when you're a stay at home mom with no nanny and a hubby that leaves the house to go to work. It also may have the reverse effect to waking you up but the few times I was able to jump into the shower during those early days, it helped get me away from dreamland. Or even just washing my face works.

6. Green Machine. I love the fresh juiced grab & go juices that are supposedly packed full of fruits and veggies. It's easy to grab these when you're a new mom or on the go, but if you have the spare time, I like making my own with the magic bullet - spinach, blueberries, pomegranate arils, bananas, etc. It's natural energy!

7. Vitamins. When you're pregnant you can't have caffeine either so I got used to taking vitamins for energy. B-12, B-6, plus prenatals! Which I continued to take for at least 3 months after Harper was born.

8. Eat. Especially if you are breastfeeding. I forgot to eat alllll the time. Adam would literally sit me down, take the baby, and shove a plate of food in my face telling me not to worry about Harper ha. I would get so drained and ended up just snacking here and there, which is really not good for you..or at least for me. Also, less sugar, more healthy fats/carbs.

9. In time you'll get used to sleep deprivation, so much so that when you actually do get lucky with a full night's sleep, you'll almost miss the few hours of sleep because more sleep makes you even more tired when you're used to only a few hours of it!

Love Letters

This morning I woke up to a text from the family that I used to nanny for up until Harper was born.

They found this letter that I had written about Adam and sent it to me.

I can't remember why I was writing it or what I was going to do with it...

But I sure do love my man.

My 2015 Goals

Currently, I have what I refer to as "freight train brain." It is this constant, busy, never ending jumble of thoughts, ideas, goals, wants, needs, randomness, future, present, past, and everything else. When I get like this, that just means it is time to spill it all out into some type of organized space somewhere besides on my poor husbands already full plate. ;)

Here's to early spring cleaning, mentally...and hopefully at least somewhat literally.

Health/Physical Goals: 

Drink more water.

Work out daily or at least weekly. Right now I'm on my 2nd week of working out at home and starting to reeeaally crave the gym.

Lose the other 20 lbs of baby weight. At my own pace. Goal weight: max 125 lbs.

Eat healthier instead of sporadically and follow through with a real regimen. No more slim fast bars...I'm already the type of person who favors and craves vegetables and fruit constantly. I just need to make it more at my disposal.

  

Stop counting calories and just eat what's best.

Drink Green Tea.

Go Hiking. 

Consistently take Hair, Skin, & Nails vitamins.

Get dressed in normal people clothes almost daily. Ha.

Get outside frequently.

Get back to this ^^

Lifestyle Goals:

Commit to my goals. Really.

Read more books. Any books.

Go to the mountains.

Binge watch less TV. Save that for when I'm heavily pregnant.

Start crafting more 

Establish career goal. Self-employed Wedding Planner. Etsy Shop?

Continue to speak more positively. Over myself & over others. 

Write. A lot.

Catch the sunset often.

Continue learning Spanish. 

Other Goals:

Sell my BMW. It's time to make more room for baby girl's carseat and be fair to my giant dogs ha.

Buy SUV. Meanwhile, not splurging on something as luxurious. ;)

Go to hockey games again.

Adam & My Bucket List (Started in 2010):

Above & Beyond Concert

Cliff Diving 

Wake board together/Mandi teach Adam how.

Hot Air Balloon

✓ Winery

✓ Pumpkin Patch

✓ Zoo Lights & Christmas Lights

Ice Skating

✓ Beer Darts

Straight No Chaser Concert

Parade of Lights

Little Italy (SLHS People know what I'm talking about)

Renaissance Festival

✓ Pool Party/BBQ

✓ Europe

Snowboarding

Ice Fishing

✓ Camping

Mile High Nationals

Rockies Opening Day

Water World

Paddle Board

✓ Cabin Trip 

     

Rant/Goal: Because I had to get it off my chest somewhere.

Stop taking that stupid tollway. Because it's ridiculously overpriced and they slammed me with FIFTEEN $25 fines for using the tollway 15 individual times during August & September (9 months pregnant then the month of Harper's birth). This means they charged me $25 for 15 different $3 tollway uses. And I didn't pay right away because I had a newborn baby. I mean seriously, what new mom can even keep up with any type of irregular bills when they have a newborn?! It took a lot of coffee and a lot of motivation to even get out to the mailbox for those letters. Yes, we're still trying to fight it, and no they're not budging. I haaaave, however, gotten it down from $600 to $300 something, when it started at $75, before the "late fees". They should only be allowed to charge a monthly late fee, not an individual usage fee. Blows my mind.

Love You Forever

It's nearly 1am and I find myself sneaking into your room to scoop you up into my arms and rock you just to stare at you. You weren't crying at all. Not to be fed nor to be held. I simply wanted to hold you. To feel your tiny little baby self on me. 

I never want to take for granted the minuscule amount of time we have together as you being this little. I know you will always be my baby but you won't always be this way as you are already growing up way too fast! Are we really only 7 months away from you being 1 year old?! It's ridiculous. Everytime I find another outfit or another fuzzy sleeper that doesn't fit, it brings tears to my eyes! It's a rough life being your mama with all these tears all the time ;) Oh, but it is so incredibly rewarding. 

Your smile and your happiness is everything to me. It always will be. I'm going to miss when your little nose was the size of my thumbnail as it is right this second - I know that because I just held you in my arms wrapped up tight and close to me. 

You truly are my own piece of heaven, Harper Eve. ❤️

Everlasting Compliment

I knew having a baby would turn me into a huge sapp but the levels of selflessness and generosity that it has given me are insurmountable.  I want to give my daughter the world the way that she has given it to me.

Long gone are the days of high school drama and careless carefree attitudes.

Long gone are the early college-age years that equate a girl's life to a total spiral of self-exploration and commitment to number one. 

My focus is now on my baby girl and her amazing, always giving, Daddy.

Everything I do, everything I think about doing, involves a thought process on how it would or wouldn't affect Harper.

I put my whole heart and soul into my new life with them.

Raising a daughter, or a child for that matter, is a real job. But because I put my all into it, I can proudly say that this is exactly where I want to be. 

That's why it means the absolute world to me when I'm gifted with the compliment that I'm an amazing mother. ...And likewise, could shatter my spirit when somebody speaks negatively over my parenting/motherhood. Whether they say something directly to me or I hear it through the grapevine, it is the worst thing you can hear as a new mom.

It is important for us new mamas to uplift each other with love and an abundance of support, at the least - through compliments. I believe I am a great mom because it's my ultimate goal to be.

I am fortunate to have built my life the way that I have. The steps I've taken, the challenges I have faced, and the mistakes I've made are what have made me the person and mother that I am today. 

At an early age, I fell in love with babies. From there on out I worked with children, specifically infants, as a preschool teacher, a nursery teacher, a daycare teacher, a nanny, and I've even accomplished part of my degree in Early Childhood Education.

I have accumulated such a variety of resources to help me raise my daughter that you better believe I have taken advantage of them. Therefore, I know I am doing everything in my power to be the best mom I can be and give Harper as much of the world as I possibly can.

Now obviously, I'm not perfect. I'm not a non-drinking, locked up in the house 24/7, kind of mom as I definitely enjoy a glass of wine (or 2) or a beer with lunch, etc., and I take my daughter on all of our business trips so we are constantly in motion. I also get out with my girlfriends anywhere from once a month to once a week, whether we go out for drinks, go to dinner, or just lay low and watch a movie. I think that's important. However, I know what balance is and how crucial it is that I establish balance to some measure in our everyday routine.

Getting to my point, nobody, new mom/veteran mom/or even a non-mom, can say that a mom who is trying her very best is unfit in her role. Or that they don't like the way she parents her child. Is it even possible to compare parenting when every parent's style is different? I don't really think so. 

Soo....
First and foremost: To my favorite mama friends out there, YOU ARE A PHENOMENAL MOM!

And,

My advice to all the women out there who get together with their girlfriends and need something to talk about: 
Be humble. Stay positive. Keep it classy.
And compliment your mama friends, no matter who you're talking to or about!!

♥