Everlasting Compliment

I knew having a baby would turn me into a huge sapp but the levels of selflessness and generosity that it has given me are insurmountable.  I want to give my daughter the world the way that she has given it to me.

Long gone are the days of high school drama and careless carefree attitudes.

Long gone are the early college-age years that equate a girl's life to a total spiral of self-exploration and commitment to number one. 

My focus is now on my baby girl and her amazing, always giving, Daddy.

Everything I do, everything I think about doing, involves a thought process on how it would or wouldn't affect Harper.

I put my whole heart and soul into my new life with them.

Raising a daughter, or a child for that matter, is a real job. But because I put my all into it, I can proudly say that this is exactly where I want to be. 

That's why it means the absolute world to me when I'm gifted with the compliment that I'm an amazing mother. ...And likewise, could shatter my spirit when somebody speaks negatively over my parenting/motherhood. Whether they say something directly to me or I hear it through the grapevine, it is the worst thing you can hear as a new mom.

It is important for us new mamas to uplift each other with love and an abundance of support, at the least - through compliments. I believe I am a great mom because it's my ultimate goal to be.

I am fortunate to have built my life the way that I have. The steps I've taken, the challenges I have faced, and the mistakes I've made are what have made me the person and mother that I am today. 

At an early age, I fell in love with babies. From there on out I worked with children, specifically infants, as a preschool teacher, a nursery teacher, a daycare teacher, a nanny, and I've even accomplished part of my degree in Early Childhood Education.

I have accumulated such a variety of resources to help me raise my daughter that you better believe I have taken advantage of them. Therefore, I know I am doing everything in my power to be the best mom I can be and give Harper as much of the world as I possibly can.

Now obviously, I'm not perfect. I'm not a non-drinking, locked up in the house 24/7, kind of mom as I definitely enjoy a glass of wine (or 2) or a beer with lunch, etc., and I take my daughter on all of our business trips so we are constantly in motion. I also get out with my girlfriends anywhere from once a month to once a week, whether we go out for drinks, go to dinner, or just lay low and watch a movie. I think that's important. However, I know what balance is and how crucial it is that I establish balance to some measure in our everyday routine.

Getting to my point, nobody, new mom/veteran mom/or even a non-mom, can say that a mom who is trying her very best is unfit in her role. Or that they don't like the way she parents her child. Is it even possible to compare parenting when every parent's style is different? I don't really think so. 

Soo....
First and foremost: To my favorite mama friends out there, YOU ARE A PHENOMENAL MOM!

And,

My advice to all the women out there who get together with their girlfriends and need something to talk about: 
Be humble. Stay positive. Keep it classy.
And compliment your mama friends, no matter who you're talking to or about!!

♥

Zucchini Crust Pizza Heaven

I adapted my recipe for this from about 4 other recipes off Pinterest (of course) and changed it up a lot so that you can make it using only 1 medium zucchini :)

Ingredients:

1 zucchini

1 Egg

4-5 Tablespoons Flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

Toppings of your choice! I used:

- Marinara Sauce

- Shredded Cheese - large chunks of mozzarella

 would probably be the best but I didn't have any

- Artichoke hearts (best part!)

- Spinach

- Onion

- Mushrooms

- Green Bell Pepper
- Sliced, Stewed Tomatoes

 

First Step: Put sous chef in place! :)

 

Preheat oven to 450 F.

Shred the zucchini using a grater, add egg, flour and salt. 

 Spread onto (olive oiled) baking sheet.

Bake for 8 minutes.

 Put sauce on the pizza, then your cheese, and add toppings.

Bake again until cheese is melted, about 10 minutes.

Now pour yourself a glass of wine, if you haven't already ;)

 

Voila!

Bedtime Routine, Dream Feeding, Etc.

As of lately, Harper has been doing amazing at sleeping anywhere from 9pm to 5 am or longer! I know, I know... it doesn't mean that this will necessarily stick or that she's truly sleeping through the night from here on out - so my hopes aren't up but the handful of sporadic times that she has let me sleep 5-7 hours has been phenomenal.

When Harper was just over newborn age we immediately implemented a sleep routine. I knew we had to start one based on my experiences from nannying and working at nurseries/preschools since I was 17 years old all the way through my pregnancy at 24 years old. To me, this stuff is basic knowledge at this point in my life for the most part, but to other mamas out there, this stuff might be all kinds of brand new.

In the first week or so, Harper had that fussy night time period where she would scream and cry no matter what and it really wore on us until we figured out that she was already ready for bed. In the beginning, she slept in a bassinet next to our bed in our room but for whatever reason she hated it and would only sleep best if she was right next to me but that kept me up all night even if she was sleeping because I was constantly worried about squishing her or something. So. By the time she was just over a month old we moved her to her crib. At first I spent time during the day just letting her be in her crib whether she was awake or asleep and I stayed in her nursery with her and watched Netflix or read or whatever, just so she knew I was right there with her. 

After a couple of daytime naps and time spent in her crib, we started the routine at first around 7 or 7:30pm. We give her a bath, rub lavender baby lotion on her, and stick her in some cozy pajamas. Next we take her into her nursery with dim lighting and read stories to her. She didn't care too much for the stories right away so eventually we started using music - anything from Beethoven to Adam's crazy electro/chillstep/whatever you want to call it music, to me singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. And trust me, I am nooo singer. But that totally doesn't matter when all your baby wants is to hear your voice to fall asleep to. Once we get her calm and showing signs of sleepiness, we wrap her in a swaddle nice and tight and feed her as much as she will take - at 4 months old she takes anywhere from 4-6 ounces all at once before bed. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes she would fall asleep and be completely capable of going to bed in her crib but I wake her up or nudge her a little to get her to take more before I burp her and let her doze off. It really helps babies to sleep longer if their tummy is full. She started out by sleeping from 8pm - 1 or 2am then 4 am then 6am. 5 and 6 am were when her gas pains were extreme and we would bring her into our bed so we could bicycle her legs and give her gas drops. :( 

At this point, her bedtime is now anywhere from 8-9 pm and she has been sleeping until 5 am as long as she's full and doesn't have gas! I've noticed that all of the traveling we've been doing wears her out too so now when we are home in Colorado, I do what's called a dream feed. She goes to bed at her usual time and then Adam and I get some us time for a few hours before we go to bed around 11, sometimes earlier if we can haha. When we are heading up to bed, I stop in her room and pick her up out of her crib without waking her up to give her a 4 oz bottle. She usually takes it down with little to no persuasion or leaves about half an ounce and then she's (usually) good until 5 am. It's a miracle!

The doctors tell us that babies this age should be sleeping anywhere from 4-6 hours during the day and by this time a lot of 4 month olds are sleeping through the night....hahahaha yeah right! We are lucky if Harper sleeps more than 2 hours total during the day. But we are blessed with this whole nighttime thing where she has her days and nights completely on track unless she just got shots or isn't feeling well.

1/3 of a Year

Harper Eve,

You are 4 months old now! Already you have traveled to more places than many of my adult friends! You've been on 7 airplanes (it will be 8 this Sunday then 10 by next Sunday), you've been in a limo, to one of Denver's finer restaurants (Elway's), you've seen all of the extraordinary lights at The Denver Zoo over Christmas time, had Thanksgiving Dinner at the fancy Four Seasons hotel in St. Louis (well...mommy and daddy actually ate the dinner but I'm sure you got a little taste of it in your milk ;)), and you've had and will continue to enjoy many more adventures than that. BUT those aren't even my favorite things from the past 4 months. 

In the last four short months, you have:

- Smiled for the first time.

- Made eye contact with soo much heart-warming love in your eyes.

- Full on belly laughed for the first time.

- Held our hands.

- Slept on my chest all night just to know you were close to me.

- Exercised your vocal cords to some serious laugh-out-loud lengths.

- Had happy screaming wars with your Dadda.

- Found your own tiny hands and feet and explored them to no end, grabbing onto and playing with everything.

- I even think you've started reaching for mommy, daddy, and other people/things!

- Gone from needing all kinds of support when being held to little miss independent holding your head up all on your own. 

-Watched TV like you're all grown up! 

- Slept through the night (9-5am or even until 7/8am) several times since you've decided that 8/9pm is your bedtime.

- Rolled onto your side and arched your back to sleep in what has now become your favorite sleeping position at night - which, by the way, is in your very own room with your big girl crib!

- Last but not least - you have completely and overwhelmingly stolen everybody's heart that has had the pleasure of meeting you! 

 

On the not so bright side of 4 months: You despise your car seat! When you're in Daddy's car you rarely cry or scream and I think that's because of his fancy schmancy exhaust/noise it makes. But in any other car you will do anything to get out and you wear yourself out trying! In this picture you had just gotten done throwing such a tantrum on our way home from Ripe Eatery in El Paso, Texas that I took you out of your seat and held you the whole way back to the hotel - during which you didn't make one sound hah.

You are one seriously loved baby girl. I wouldn't have it any other way. You're growing like a weed and everytime I look back at your newborn pictures I just want to hold you that small one more time so I pick you up and hug you just like I would want to in another month, a year, and several years down the road from now. ❤️

Flashback

I'm no model buuuut I did enjoy these experiences!

This Maternity shoot I did with Shannon VonEschen in a lovely 14,000 sq. ft home in Boulder left me breathless! http://shannonvoneschen.com/blog/page/11/

It was also featured on this blog: http://www.greylikesbaby.com/photography-2/maternity-film/

And

Before I married Adam, I did a bridal shoot with her. It landed her talented photography on the cover of a local magazine, plus a spread in the magazine. I thought that was pretty special, although I have yet to order the magazine...I'm going to though! http://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/701506?__r=166194

The Wait. *Weight.

I like to use this blog to vent....fairly often. But I feel like not too many people read it so that makes it even better and therefore it's like my own personal therapist. This post is honest but let's be real...that's who I am. It also shows a little of my usually non-existent pesimistic side

So. Here I am 16 ish weeks postpartum and still 20 lbs heavier than I'd like to be. I gained a total of 45 or so pounds during pregnancy. I know what you're thinking - 45 isn't all that bad. Right? Ugh. Not when you're used to weighing next to nothing. I mean, I am grateful and appreciative that my body was able to create a life and bring into this world what I consider the greatest blessing I have ever been granted. I know it could be way worse and don't get me wrong. I looooove my daughter and don't bring her into this weight equation or blame her (as I've heard some moms do - which is insane) whatsoever. I was ready to let go of the body and image I had before trying to conceive, and I knew that. I knew what it would take. I knew I would gain weight and I knew I could trust my husband to make me feel confident and beyond beautiful - because after all, he is absolutely the best husband of all time.

However. When my picture is taken, unless I take it myself, I feel like I almost don't recognize myself because of how big I look majority of the time. I don't feel like I look like that in the mirror and Adam is always reassuring me but then I find myself comparing my body to other mamas with babies out there who look incredible and I can't help it sometimes! I'd like to think they are all doing the same exact thing that I am - and they, along with myself, are strong, confident women. The thing is, they've probably worked their asses off to get to where they are image-wise, I'm assuming but I'm just over here mind blown at how new moms find the means to get themselves to a gym (I'm talking new as in mamas who have newborn to 6 month old babies). By means, I'm talking about time, energy, focus, babysitter, and not to mention living where I do with the nearest gym down the highway further than I'd like to haul myself and my child to. Seriously, do you know what packing up a kid takes to get somewhere? I have to add an extra 45 minutes to my walking out the door time.

I know, I know: excuses, excuses. But when you're baby isn't sleeping through the night and your day is so busy that you've learned to skip napping or feel too unproductive if you do decide to take a nap, then you'd understand where I'm coming from. 

On top of pictures and social media comparisons that are likely to upset any new momma that's full of hormones, there's the pre-pregnancy jeans. Ahhh. The haunting. I was a size 0-2 and now I can hardly fit into a size 9/10. That may be the toughest part for me. I've definitely kept all of those jeans just for motivation, plus I might have one of the funnest collection of jeans that I've established over the years hah. This is also where comparison comes in, which I'm not actually obsessing over as much as I may come off as but I see all these moms putting on those pre-preggo jeans and I am just itching for what has already seemed like a century until I can do that too.

Yes. I know I'm only (almost) 4 months postpartum but I don't care. It's still hard.

Moral of the story - it sucks being out of touch with yourself, no matter how deep (or not) it runs. I believe that when I look good, I feel good, I know that's vain and I am by no means cocky or into myself nor am I overwhelmingly self-conscious. I'm all about those Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn quotes. You know the ones about being and feeling beautiful from the inside out: a little lipstick goes a long way, less is more, some days require champagne (or possibly a whole bottle of wine hahaha), etc. etc.

My major goal in life is to be happy, so when I'm happy with myself, I'm happy all around.

Even though I'm feeling on the not-so-skinny side these days, I'm still happy and I know one day I'll get back to my normal self. For now, I'm just going to enjoy this baby girl and hope that there are other mamas out there who are in the same boat going through the same stuff I am. Because man, it is hard sometimes. But again, this is alllll just a vent. I'm not fishing for compliments or needing some crazy encouragement or anything like that. Purely just needed to throw a fit :)