When you're pregnant, and if you're anything like me, you research and try to prepare yourself for a baby in any and all ways possible - even as a nanny that specialized with infants. I read so many blogs and searched so much on pinterest that I'd wake up with my phone still in my hand more than I'd like to admit. Just about every blog I read claimed that nothing can prepare you for what you're about to experience the first few months of the baby's life. That is oh so true.
Let's just start with breastfeeding and how my experience has gone so far.
Number one. It is not as natural as it looks by any means. And the nurses stressed me out within the first 10 minutes of me holding my little girl by shoving her onto my boob and getting all in my face about how I need to hold her and what she needs to do, etc. After at least 36 hours of no sleep and a long labor, that was the last thing I wanted - strangers in my face commanding me and my new baby. I get it though. It's the best thing for the baby to learn immediately since it isn't exactly something that just happens on its own. I was also expecting this but wasn't prepared for how intense it is! I think because it stressed me out right away, it also stressed Harper out right away because she did not latch at all properly. We were in the hospital Monday night through Thursday night so I definitely got a lot of time with the Lactation consultant who taught me a lot of different things but Harper still had such a tough time nursing right and I developed some not so pretty blisters on my boobs. Finally the LC got me a pump and had me do that until I healed to feed her. Since then it's been an ongoing struggle but at 2 months (10 weeks), we're still trying at it as much as we can.
While healing, I was introduced to a nipple shield and we've been using that ever since with the exception of some attempts to ween her off of it which only backfires in the end it seems like. Harper is currently on strike 2 of breastfeeding and prefers the bottle 100% - while I prefer her happy compared to screaming while I feed her hah. So I pump. And it's time consuming and tiring and hard to establish - at first. I always had this rule that I was going to transition to strictly bottle with breast milk by the time she could understand attachment so that she wouldn't ever get separation anxiety but I didn't want it to be this soon. It really is one of the best feelings ever but pumping and bottle feeding really isn't so bad - she still stares at me and gets me to fall in love with her all over again when I feed her. :)
Number two. Gassiness and the immature digestive system.
I haaaaaate gas pains in babies. It breaks my heart. Harper really struggles with this and every doctor has basically told me that gripe water, gas drops, and DigestZen + Peppermint essential oils - all of which we've used - don't necessarily work. They might be right because nothing can battle her little pumpy leg dance and squeals as she struggles to make them go away. If this didn't exist, I believe we'd have an even more perfect baby ;) She is borderline colicky with this gas intensity but we've figured out ways to console her to avoid ongoing crying.
Number three. The witching hour. I think all babies go through this in the first months. I read that it goes away and I'm hoping what I read is accurate. Around night time, Harper gets so incredibly fussy between the hours of like 7 pm - 10pm or something along those lines. Basically all night long until we finally get her down. At least that's how it was until we established a bed time and bed time routine. So far it's worked amazing! At first I was thinking she just wanted to be held and be close to us so I was wearing her in the moby wrap all around the house and let her sleep on me while Adam and I watched TV or ate dinner or whatever. But the past few nights we realized that she is probably just so overtired and needing routine to get to sleep. We started giving her a bath around 7pm then getting her in fuzzy, comfy pajamas and feeding her a good 4-5 oz to fill her belly up & read her bedtime stories (which right now consist of Christmas books because I'm holiday obsessed). She's down by about 7:30, wakes up here and there for her pacifier that has fallen out or for a belly rub or just to be tucked back in again but then she sleeps and we skip that crazy fussy time! It's been amazing this week. Before that though - Adam felt like she didn't want anything to do with him since it was always around the time he came home from work but that is not true at all because she smiles at him like crazy.
Number four. Therapy for momma. Having a baby is hard work. I couldn't imagine going back to work without her or not being a stay at home mom. I give major props to all of the moms that do have to go back to work! I'm truly blessed, lucky, and so appreciative of the life we have. So that being said, momma's need some type of therapy whether they go to work or stay home and have a baby on their hip 24/7 to the point where they (I) can't even get dressed some days. ha. It is hard work having that baby attached to me at any given time of the day. What used to take me an hour or two to shower and get ready now takes half the morning/afternoon just because I have to wait for the perfect time to shower so that she isn't left crying; or while I'm blow drying my hair she decides she's starving and will yell at me until I feed her then when I'm putting on makeup she wants to play, and let's be honest, nobody can resist her adorable play with me face. However, through all of this, adult conversation is much more necessary than you'd think. Without that interaction, you'd go crazy. I just about did the other day. I realized I just need to pack us up with whatever we'll need to get out of the house and go visit one of her grandparents for the whole day. Wine should be accessible at one of these houses too. Otherwise, without this little break, I would have completely imploded and treated the wrong kind of get together as a therapy session dumping all of my emotions on people who wouldn't know how to handle that.
Number five. The love. The unconditional, mind spinning, irreplaceable infatuation I have found within the connection among Harper, myself, and Adam. I completely melt whenever she looks at Adam or me. She loves to stare at us and she is incredibly smiley. She has started to recognize when it's time to wake up and get out of her crib each morning and greets either of us with the world's happiest face and biggest smile. I can't even explain to you this feeling. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. It's literally the best thing ever to love and be so loved by these two.
Overall, the first two months of having Harper in our lives officially makes me confirm that it is the toughest yet most rewarding thing to have happened to us. And I didn't even get into sleep deprivation. Ha. Let's just leave that as a given struggle.
